Kids love to ask why. Why is the sky blue? Why do crickets chirp? Why are you driving so slowly? Why are you making that face? They are natural questioners, but they rarely question themselves. They are also aggressive questioners, always pushing out at the world, like little cops on the chase, but it is just as important for them to learn to turn the \u201cwhys\u201d inward. So, start asking them the whys. Why did you get so angry when he took the blue cup? Why do you get sad every time you have to go to bed? Why is this your favorite book? Asking them why about anything and everything teaches them to explore their preferences and tendencies. It holds up a mirror at mind level so they can see their psyche more clearly.<\/p>\n

2 | Let them find the solution<\/h1>\n

Every parent knows how to step in and manage the kid fight, the no-nap meltdown, the picky eater at the restaurant. It\u2019s what we do. We manage our kids like coaches in the ring, rubbing ointment on shoulders and squirting water into mouths before sending them back out in the ring to do their kid thing. But sometimes we need to manage a little less. This is the hardest part after asking \u201cwhy?\u201d This is the stepping back.<\/p>\n

Your job is not always to supply an answer. Let them fiddle with the problem for a bit. It\u2019s not always going to work perfectly, but they need to practice working past the sibling rivalry, the middle-child mindset, and the slimy food \u2013 without your intervention. The circuits of their brain need to activate on their own, without you manning the controls.<\/p>\n

3 | Pull in the arts<\/h1>\n

Music makes the mind malleable. It turns what looked like a dead end into a little pathway. It\u2019s why movies have soundtracks and why we secretly wish we had our own. Visual art, too \u2013 the creating of something out of nothing \u2013 allows you to express what\u2019s inside.<\/p>\n

Whether it be painting or drawing or a score from \u201cPhantom of the Opera\u201d cranked up to the highest volume, art opens the mind and lets you feel your way through it. It helps your kid ask, where does this sound, this color, this shape send my mind and my heart? Give them paper, crayons, paint. Put on your favorite playlist. Sit back. Watch them make it their own.<\/p>\n

4 | Introduce yourself<\/h1>\n

Introduce yourself to your kid. Seriously. Do it like you\u2019re at summer camp playing the \u201cget to know you\u201d game before getting off the bus and claiming your bunk. State your name and your favorite color and three things about yourself that your kids might not know. Then have them do the same. Introductions like this make everyone involved think about the impression they make and why they pick certain things to share and not others. It makes them look at themselves from the outside in, like a character in a book \u2013 a bird\u2019s-eye third-person view. They greet themselves like they are meeting someone new, because in a way they are.<\/p>\n